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                            “唯女子與小人難養也”原意為何?

                                孔子說“唯女子與小人難養也。近之則不遜,遠之則怨。”此句出自《論語.陽貨》。這句話被普遍認為是孔子鄙視婦女和體力勞動者的論據。連海外真心尊崇孔子者也覺得難予諱言,無可奈何地說:“孔夫子就這句話說錯了”。這里的前一句話“唯女子與小人難養也”幾乎成了傳統的以男權為中心的社會的一句至理名言。而后一句話幾乎被人們遺忘了。仔細琢磨,這兩句話本來是一個句號,是一句完整的話,為什么偏偏會被后人斷章取義,后一半被人省略,而前一半變成了名人名言呢?這的確是一個有趣的的疏忽或者說遺忘。
                            目前這句話的解釋主要有兩種:

                                一、表述的是孔子的擇婿觀

                                有學者認為,在《論語.陽貨》這章里,孔子沒有任何輕視女人的思想。這句話反映的是孔子的擇婿觀。“女子”,并非現在所指的“女人”。古代傳統稱兒子、女兒為“子”,“子”也指女兒,這里說“女子”,在“子”前加一“女”字,是特別指明是“女兒”。《說文解字》解:“與,賜與也。”“與”在這里指嫁的意思是“嫁與”。

                                這章的意思是說:只有把女兒嫁給小人,才難相處。近之,其品德低賤,行為無賴,近不得;遠,心系女兒,遠不得。

                                二、他罵的是一個特定的女子

                                孔老先生受《詩經》的影響很深,他說:“詩三百,一言以蔽之,思無邪”,他認為《詩經》是一部偉大的著作,而我們再來看看這部孔子都很推崇的巨著,里邊倒有很大一部分歌頌了女子的活潑美麗,大方善良,歌頌了當時男女平等的浪漫愛情氛圍,事實也是這樣,在春秋時代,男女間是相當平等的,而孔夫子本人更是曾反復多次以詩經里的“妻子好合,如鼓瑟琴”來表達了自己對婚姻和女子的平等看待觀點。所以,說孔子歧視婦女,不僅和孔子的思想不符,更與當時的民間社會整個大環境對不上號,因此這個說法,實在是大大地有待商榷。

                                《史記·孔子世家》里,提到了孔子之前的衛國之行,孔子“居衛月余,靈公與夫人同車,宦者雍渠參乘出,使孔子為次乘,招搖市過之。孔子曰:‘吾未見好德如好色者也。’于是丑之,去衛。”翻譯為:孔老先生受衛國國君的邀請,來到了衛國參觀學習休養,但在這期間,孔老先生突然發現人家根本是拿他的身份來炫耀自己抬高自己而已,并不是真正支持他來這教化衛國民眾的,尤其是那個衛靈公的夫人,為了抬高自己的身望,公開炫耀。離開之后,心情平復了,想起衛國公老婆那種仗著得寵,驕橫跋扈亂政擾民的事,就發了感慨:“唯女子與小人難養也!近之則不孫,遠之則怨。”


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